Roots of democracy

October 14, 2004
Love & Respect- Same Mother?
The last few beautiful autumn days have found me out in the driveway, hours before first light, wondering what I really want, what I can possibly expect, and why I think my feelings should matter in the world beyond my skin. My thoughts turned to my children- people whose original entry into the world I resented a little, as I saw them to represent a forced change on my behavior and values system (which, at the times of their births, was more about my freedom & autonomy, and the pleasures of being responsible for little beyond my own skin). I was young, strong, comfortable as a fluent member of the dominant culture in the place I found myself, with skills and mobility that ensured my acceptance & passage through society as I found it, where I found it. I vacillated in the perception of my children as "fruits of my labor" but also as incarnate monuments to my lust; that is, they amazed me, and troubled me- but I couldn't say that I loved them.
When my second daughter was nearly 3 I had an 'observational breakthrough', as she walked toward me from the kitchen, breathing through a harmonica. Her sheer delight at discovering a kind of magic in this simple mechanism, that her breathing could do more than simply keep her alive, was transforming to us both. I saw her as a complete human being, a system more subtle and older than culture, Life itself; and she ceased being "my possession" and became "my collaborator"- a fellow Being with whom I shared Here & Now- just like (it slowly dawned on) Me, and all the Others... All the Others? Don't I draw a line, Somewhere?.. or apply the Rumsfeld Parameters? The "known unknowns" &/or the "unknown unknowns"?? ALL? Well, where do I draw the line of my self-respect? At my exterior? At the limits of my perception? Do I include my thought processes? My thoughts? If I respect my Opinions, where are they? Do they have the weight of those things that it requires of me an electron microscope to perceive (although they are Alive)? Where do I Draw the Line?.. at those other creatures that exhibit respect for me? Is my Respect a reactive mechanism, then?.. and how do I perceive the respect expressed for me by the Others? It seems that, once I have recognized an Autonomy of all Lives, my respect is a pro-active expression that reflects my feelings about myself.
What of my daughter, and her delight at the sound of her breath, as it is transmuted by the instrument which is the subject of her curiosity? Is she aware of the music that we share? Does she understand that I hear what has happened too, and find it pleasing? I realize that, in our Collaboration, my 'long suit' is my Experience; while her strength is that her observations are new and fresh, and stimulate her creative mind without the constraints of experience & prejudice. This understanding has tempered our collaboration (and all of my subsequent interactions, I guess). The peremptory demands that I make after this Realization are far less common. They are replaced by dialogs, which provide answers, and new questions, for both of us. As others are involved, the dialogs lead to discussions- about what we perceive, about what we feel, about why we behave in certain ways- questions & stories & judgements about the past (and a few predictions, too)- and at some point I realize that I'm taking part in something that resembles the "democratic process". Eventually it sinks in that mutual respect and a willingness to listen are really the operative principles in this activity.
When I contrast this process that evolved inside my family with the machinations of our modern "democracy", the latter is almost a caricature- a creature that resembles a puppet show far more than it does a collaborative process. Most of us are "talked at"- and there's very little informational flow in the opposite direction- which may explain the numbers of folks who don't vote, perhaps because no one is listening to them; and challenging a powerful system, even with thoughts & ideas, is simply too intimidating. It's especially tough when most of us are relatively comfortable, physically. The inertia of our way of life here simply carries most of us along with it, whether we have misgivings or no.
How much does the democratic process rely on respect? Is it reducible to something like a school lunch program that certain powers-that-be simply decide Must be provided to All, with or without their 'informed consent' and willing participation? We can see its imperfections, domestically. How can our country forcibly export to other cultures (about whom we know little) something that we haven't yet managed to 'get right' here at home? Where is the Respect- for ourselves, for others- that seems to be rooted in an acknowledgement of the natural autonomy of all creatures? Is the democratic process meaningful (or even possible) among people whose 'country' is occupied by the armies of other countries?
^..^
JHBrowne, Jr.
Vashon island, Wa